Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Death Traps, Mouth Nipples, Water Bans, PMS....Oh Yeah...And I'm The Family Pussy... ****UPDATED****

I've had a week from hell.  I want to just wipe this week from the books and start fresh...but nope...it's still going.  Figures.

First, my driver's side car door lock broke.  I couldn't get in or out.  Death trap on wheels...ah yeah.  I climbed over the passenger's seat, and got a shifter in the ass one too many times...so it went into the shop.  $700 later...my lock works...but I now have to use 2 different keys....one to open up the door, one to turn on the car.  What the F*ck?  I still don't have my car, and it's one week later.

(this isn't my mouth...but my mouth nipple looked just like that)  (Wish I was cool enough to have a gold tooth)
I didn't realize until a reader mentioned it...that this pic above looks a little like soft core porn....well it's not...so get your minds outta the gutter!

Then...I went in to have that fibroma thingy on my inner cheek (a.k.a mouth nipple) removed.  I was so excited!  No longer would I be accidentally chewing off my cheek while eating.  But I should've just put a ring through that bastard and left it alone...because if I knew getting it removed would've sucked so hard...I would never have done it.  Long story short...Novacaine wore off, pain hit, I cried...a lot, Tylenol didn't do shit, Doc prescribed pain reliever strong enough to use on a newborn babe, we went to the emergency room in the middle of the night, 6 hours of waiting and an IV of some really really good make you smile drugs, CAT Scan, blood tests, stumbled home, doubled up on Percocet for 2 days straight, missed work, my mouth tasted like metal from the cauterizing chemical, swollen jaw, egg on the side of my face, couldn't get the toothbrush into my swollen mouth, and there was this whitish slimy, gooey shit growing out of the pit that once was a nipple.  It pretty much just sucked all around.  I have never in my life felt pain like I felt from that little "removal".  I think the doctor hit severed some nerves or something.  He said I had a low tolerance for pain...my husband said that translated to him calling me a "Pussy"...can you sue a doctor for being an asshole?  My father suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis; my mother gave birth to me without so much as a whimper, moan, or curse word and I flew out in like one push; my sister had broken ribs while she was pregnant....basically...they can handle their pain.  But me?   Oh no... I get to be the family "Pussy"...and I got stuck with the small boobs too.  Genetics...they're a bitch.


(Broken Water Main in Massachusetts)

THEN...our town was part of a water ban/boil water order.    Some pipe burst in a neighboring town causing devastating water loss and 30 communities (2 million people) including ALL of Boston could not use tap water.  I thought Brendan might die from lack of Dunkin Donuts large iced coffees. 4 days of no dish washing...and the damn dishes are almost up to the ceiling!  We had to boil water to use to brush our teeth, wash our hands, water our cats.  It's not easy to pour water out of a kettle onto one sudsy hand, then lather and wash the other while trying not to get the kettle all sudsy or toothpastey or whatever.  It blew.  A LOT.  But it's over.  I can shower without fear of E.Coli getting in my eyes.  Let's just say the bottle of Purell got a lot of use.

And to top it all off...I was a raging bitch the entire week because it was that time of the month...nuff said.

That's All For Now,
xoxox

8 comments:

aquirkydelight said...

That doctor can suck my [redacted]. I know firsthand that mouth pain can be so unbelievably bad that you might want to kill yourself. I have been there, dude. Sorry about the car and the death water. Hopefully next week you and the universe can get back on the same page. xoxo

Brandi said...

Right On Elizabeth! The doctor can suck my [redacted] too! I'm working on my shit with the uni...hopefully we'll be good soon.
xoxo

Anonymous said...

Took me a while to figure out what that photo was - for a minute there I thought you were going soft-core. -e

Brandi said...

Oh my god!!!! I totally didn't even see that that pic looked like it could be "dirty". You're totally right! Oops :)

goodniteirene said...

all that space above is my speechlessness.
oh.my.god?
where do i begin? i think it's best that you just begin....AGAIN, next monday, all over, brand new, fresh start. maybe even move?
i'm tiptoeing out, backwards, quietly.........
love,
katie

bernthis said...

if it makes you feel any better I am the family pussy as well but I have the largest chest which only goes to show you how flatchested the woman in my family really are

Anonymous said...

To be fair, at a really quick glance that picture looks more like hard-core pornography (with piercings no less) so much so that I did not want to leave it on my screen at work for fear of passers by.

Brandi said...

Uh oh...now I'm going hardcore? Well...I guess I'm taking you all with me. LOL