Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Innocense And The Gall Of A Child...

My niece is nine years old. She has a giggle that tickles my funny bones. She has a shrieking scream that can tickle my nerves. Jadyn. I love her as my own....she loves her Uncle Brendan more. Figures.
Jadyn is insightful. I wish I could take just a small peek into her kaleidoscope mind. She sees things at 9 that some will never see by 90...and my favorite thing...she hasn't yet learned the fear of saying them. Which, yes, I guess could be a bad thing...but for her...for me, it is utterly pure, innocent, and truth divine.

She questioned my sister if, "Aunt Brandi could have babies?" "Of course, why?", my sister asked.

"Because her boobies are so small."

At her rosy age, she realized that my small little knockers (maybe more like door bells) could starve a child...and oh how my sister loved it. Me...always the butt of a boob joke. 32 AA bitches. And when I have kids...they can suck it! Jadyn told her mother that she wanted her boobies to be like Aunt Brandi's and stay small forever...I give her another year, and then she'll have outgrown me. I guess I'm lucky my husband isn't a boob man...though I don't have a butt he must be a nose man...I got a big one of those.

On a random car ride on a random niece announced that, "sharks are little bastards!"

I'm sure it was incredibly difficult for my sister to maintain any semblance of composure. I know I couldn't have. But...she's right. Right? Sharks are indeed "little bastards". Where she learned that word...I couldn't know. Bastard being one of the many curse words that my family doesn't often use. We tend to pepper our conversations with the lesser four lettered kind. But that she knew how to use it...astounds me. She cursed...well. She used it right. I'm kinda proud of her.

I remember babysitting one night...the hours passing by as Jadyn tested my and out of bed. There was a movie playing in her room...I could her the dull murmur of annoying sing song. Out she came again...into the bathroom...quiet as a mouse. Then back to her room...and time went by. She was still. It was peaceful. I, being the intuitive kind of auntie, went to check up...and there in the flickering primary colored glow of the TV screen sat my niece...only not my niece. I flicked on the light...and there she sat on her navy blue sheets surrounded in powders and make-up...her face a prism of rouges and shame. I carried her into the bathroom and set her on a stool. I took a washcloth to her war paint and asked, "JJ...why did you do this?"

"I just wanted to be beautiful", was what she replied.

My heart ached. I wanted her to understand...and as insightful as she is...she may never understand. And to her I say it here and now...


My wonderful smiling are beautiful. You have a beautiful laugh, a beautiful heart, and a beautiful mind. Chapstick, will never need...your mouth upturned in a smile is perfect enough. Your cheeks when they are flushed from laughter is the only color you will ever need. Your pretty eyes bright in wonder are the thresholds into your heart, and they need no painted door.

My boobies...Mommies boobies...your boobies...they are all just right. And as long as it's your mind that grows...the rest just doesn't matter. Bigger or smaller, they will fit you, and you will probably hate them no matter what you get.

And yes...sharks are little bastards. But don't say that word. You are better than that word. Stick to the 4 letter ones (when you get older)...they are way funner to say. And sharks won't hurt you...unless don't provoke them and you should be cool.

I love you my little one. You are not mine...but I am yours, and I am always here. I will always come bearing magazines for your to play with...if that will make you smile. Your heart is too simple to read...but your mind is a mystery. Your mystery intrigues me...and I thank you and love for that.

Love always,
Aunt Brandi

...and that's all for now

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