Thursday, March 4, 2010

Cat Calling..........


OK, so the whole Zen Brandi....Ohm...happy bullshit has been delayed for reconstruction. Called off. On hold. Check back later. I've got a bone that needs pickin'.

I drove home from work last night to find that neighborhood cat (a.k.a. "The Front Porch Pisser) sitting on the roof of our porch...peeking into my bedroom window. What The Hell??? So...not only is that little bastard a Pissing Tom, but he's a Peeping Tom as well???

I climbed the stairs to find my cat Max sprawled across my bed in a very "come hithery, porno kind of....uh....sprawl." I immediately went into "Mommy Mode".

ME: "MAXIMUS!!!!! What are you doing????? What do you think this is...a brothel? What if that cat has a camera...you could end up all over the Internet!"

MAX: Eye roll....yawn....rolls over.

ME: "Oh...so it's no big deal to you? How long has this type of behavior been going on? After all this cat has done to our family and our front porch....you! YOU are allowing this...this...this...freak show to happen under my roof. I am ashamed....ashamed I say! Daddy and I always called you the Neighborhood Whore...but that's because you wouldn't leave the human neighbors alone...now I know the real truth. This is a sad day. What do you have to say for yourself?"

MAX: Shows me his big fat belly. (my heart melts...must give kisses...it's required by law)

ME: "OK...don't let it happen again."

What is the world coming to when you can't even keep domesticated animals from becoming Peeping Toms? Guess I'll have to start pulling the shades. My "boys" are becoming teenagers...first it's window shows for neighborhood kitties...next they'll be sexting or some shit like that.

That's all for now,
Brandi

4 comments:

goodniteirene said...

i totally feel your pain. our little priscilla is one coke line away from tara reid status.

Amanda said...

Where did you find such a photo? I liked your dialogue. Hope my *eventual* cat never acts that way, or it's kitty boot camp.

Duel Living said...

Katie: I have one word for your dear Priscilla....REHAB...if it worked for Nicole Richie/Britney/and Lind Lo....it can work for her as well. Thoughts and Prayers my friend....thoughts and prayers.

Amanda: I'm ashamed to say...I actually Googled "kitty porn".
xoxo,
Brandi

your friend laura said...

HI-LARIOUS.

seriously. why haven't you written a book?

xoxo,
laura