Monday, March 1, 2010

Bottoms Up....It's Dunk Tank Time....


I don't drink. I don't. I don't like the taste of ass in my mouth and I don't like feeling like ass the next morning. No...I'm not a recovering alchoholic (why do people always think that?). I just don't drink. Diet Coke is my beverage of choice.

BUT...and that's a big ol' BUT...there is one person in my life that makes me want to pop open a bottle of Goldschlager mix it with at mojito, and then chase it with a little antifreeze and get piss drunk every time I have any sort of interaction with "them". Really...it's that bad. It's chew my cheek, bite my tongue, dig my fingernails into my palms...f*cking bad.

I hate passive aggressive people. It's like...grow some balls and tell me how you really feel. Grating, dramatic, stupid commentary (which makes me feel like I'm a total idiot) masked by sugar coated sweetness just doesn't fly with me. I would like to put this person in a dunk tank and fire off a couple thousand balls. It would be a mandatory bi-weekly event if I had my druthers.

I have been reading some blogs by my interweb friends and there is a alarming amount of talk about "mean people" as of late. I hate mean people. They make me clench my anus and I don't like to clench my anus. They make me bitch and talk/blog behind their back, and enough is enough.

LISTEN UP SUCKY MEAN PEOPLE (and my nemesis...I kind-of hope you know who you are and I kind of don't...not that I'm a pussy or anything):

I will no longer take your bullshit. Period. Exclamation Point! I'm done. Just as with my favorite cotton panties, you no longer provide me with any sort of comfort/pleasure/or support ....so I'm theoretically throwing your ass out too. Oh, I'll be civil...just to keep the peace...but I won't be real, I won't be unguarded, and I won't be waiting to let you unload your stupid bullshit on my back....anymore. Boo-yaw.

Whew. That felt good. Cleansing. You all should try it. Normally I would just talk shit about this person to my cat who purrs in commiseration...but he's outside or off licking his asshole somewhere. Guess you all just have to do. And believe me...I love you for it.

That's all for now,
Brandi

4 comments:

your friend laura said...

you go, girl. you go with your bad self. i'm proud of you.

i'm such a wuss. i can't stand up and tell people how i really feel. so instead of being passive-aggressive, i'm just passive.

quiet like a little mouse.

pretty sad, yes.

so, maybe you could hold a tutorial and teach me how to get my Bad Ass On. ;)

xoxo,
laura

goodniteirene said...

my goodness!! i love it!! i would love to write that i call everyone on their gross behavior, but i am silent sally. i keep it in, and in, and in. i let these people ruin my day (though not as often as when i was younger). i support you and your dunk tank efforts. i'll pass out the prize tickets.
love,
katie
btw, you got a mention in this morning's blog......only you will get it.

Erica at Decorica said...

Yikes. I'd hate to be this nemesis of yours... I'd tell you to chill, let it go, not get your panties in a bunch, but you're already having that problem too. Sorry.

The gap undies with the lace on top are great -just run a bit small. (well, at least that's what I'm telling myself.)

bernthis said...

Reason number 121 why I left my ex. What I can't stand more is when ppl let others do the talking for them and dont' even have a spine enough to be passive aggressive.