It has finally happened. I am ashamed, embarrassed...and a little scared. It happened one day out of the blue (quite literally)...there I was, nonchalantly making a pit stop to the loo...and when I lifted the lid...shock! Dismay! Horror!
MY TOILET WATER IS BLUE! I AM TACKY!
Yes, it keeps the toilet clean. Yes, it is a reminder of the days I lived on St. Thomas VI and I starred out of my front window to an ocean so blue and so beautiful. Yes, it is a lesson in color theory...yellow and blue make green. But...I always have connected blue toilet water to being old. I have blue toilet water...therefore...I am old?
My Grandmother had blue toilet water. My oldest aunt had blue toilet water. See the trend? It has come now to my generation...and my toilet. I'm screwed! I'm not going to take this lying down. There will be no pink toilet paper. There will be no fluffy lid cover or plastic padded seat full of cracks that slice my little ass checks. I will take a stand (or sit).
Brendan did it. Why Bren? Why? 2000 flushes Bren...2000! If it weren't for water conservation...I'd be up there right now flushing away...but alas...I heart the earth. They sell the clear kind ya know? CLEAR! It's chic, and young, and clean. And not BLUE!
I just get the heebs every time I think of sitting on the toilet...peeing...and that blue chemical water is splashing back up on my perfect unblue ass.
Nobody can come over to my house. You are not invited for at least another 1986 flushes. I ache for the day that Caribbean blue turns to a soft pastel, and I will see you all again. Until then...I may sneak in a couple extra flushes for good measure (don't tell on me).
Blue toilet water...WTF?
That's all for now,
Brandi
4 comments:
Love the Blue!
Hilarious!! Too funny! and so very true! Brendan - what were you thinking!?
Very honest writing, Brandi. I know you and this is exactly how I hear your written voice. It's Justin, by-the-way.
LoL. Only you, Brandi.
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