Ice Burns On The Ass Crack...But The Image Is GOLDen.,,

Great Britian's Gillian Cooke going for the Gold, and "cracking" under the pressure.

The Olympics wear me out. My stomach is all in knots. I find myself dreaming about false starts, double axels, salchows, moguls, O' Canada, and....gold.

I literally get beads of sweat on my brow at the tense moments close to the finish...right before a jump, on the last lap. I'm way too wrapped up in this shit.

I can't watch anymore of those emotional tell alls about every single competitor...the failed previous Olympic attempts, the injuries, the brother with Cerebral Palsy, the family pet that traveled 3000 miles just to cheer on"insert courageous Olympian here". Those heart string tugging vinettes...ick...makes me just love everyone...and want everyone to win. Well...everyone except Bode Miller...that guy is a tool.

Let's talk about the Men's figure skating short programs....could their outfits be any gayer? I mean really? Mesh shirts with pink tassels? Feathers? Gloves? Did you see the sailor suit? I was waiting for someone to skate to "It's Raining Men Symphony #9". I LOVE IT!!! And notice how they can be doing the most amazing sit spin...and their hair never moves? I need help with that...I want my 'do to be sit spinnably steady ALL OF THE TIME. (Lately it's looking more Luge inspired)

I am waiting for the Female figure skating comps to begin. (Secretly I'm hoping for some sort of knee crushing pipe drama...but not really. Ok...really....but not REALLY really) I love the sequined velvet leotards with the fleshy colored sleeves. The blue eyeshadow and the star stickers by the left eye...I love it all. Oh Winter Olympics...you are just too good to me.

So anyway, GO USA, win, fight, rah and all that jazz. Go fast, pick cooler music next time. Don't hit the flag thingy. Point your toes, stick the landing, tuck your head, and don't forget to smile and show all of your teeth...cuz' your American damnit...and generally our teeth are pretty much all there.

And by the way...does anyone know why Canada spent bazillions of dollars on building the site for the Olympics, but they could only afford to give the medalists a head of lettuce instead of a real bouquet of flowers? Eh?

That's all for now,

xoxo Brandi