Friday, June 19, 2009

Dad...You Are The F*ckin' Wind Beneath My Wings...

I remember riding home from ABC Daycare during Vermont "traffic" in our white van smelling of stale smoke and carpet glue. I remember learning to spell from the signs on the side of the road...

Pizza Hut,
Kuala Muana. (gimmee a break it was a Hawaiian fusion restaurant)

I remember my father peppering that car ride home with words...forbidden words...shouting them at offending drivers abusing the road. I remember practicing those words when I got home, in the basement, in my little red battery powered Cabriolet convertible.

And felt good.

I have a bit of a potty mouth. Just a little tiny bit. And what I learned...I got it all from my Dad. He has the mouth of a sailor. A bad ass MO FO!

Under his breath,
over the roof,
through the window.

His hand gestures are pretty bitchin' too. I got those down while learning to drive.

There were this day...I STILL can't figure out...

Jesus H. Christ--------What does the H stand for? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

F*cking A-------(as in "f*cking A, where are my god damn keys?")
A ? I always wondered about that one. Maybe his Canadian roots were just coming out. F*cking Eh? What's that all aboot?

Shit and 2 is 8-----(as in "shit and 2 is 8! I can't believe it")
This one might be my favorite. A math swear!! Creative isn't he? (for all of you math have already figured out that, in this case...SHIT = 6)

As a kid...I pushed my luck. I pushed it real good. I would trying sneaking a few curse words into my vernacular every now and again. Dad didn't like that. He said it wasn't lady like for girls to swear. If he only new what I said when he wasn't around.


I didn't get you anything for Father's Day. Sorry, I'm broke. I know, I always told me to save my f*ckin' money.
I'll learn one day I swear. (Hee Hee Hee)
I want you to know, Christ...I want the whole god damn world to know...that what you have taught me, kindness, generosity, patience (I'm workin' on that one), honesty, and love...I appreciate more than you will know. You and I butt's expected when two people are so alike...but we always come back for a second round. They broke the friggin' mold with us.
I wanted to thank you for a few things that make

Snowmobiles, motorcycles, and the Naudie Lady

Waterskis, Red Rocks, and a Wolf Tree

Having a butt paddle with a painted hand awaiting on top of the fridge, but never really using it.

A bunk bed hanging from the ceiling on chains

4 Oreo cookies for a bed time snack

Showing me to appreciate the smell of a new jar of instant coffee (though sometimes I thought I was born to make you coffee)

Never making me eat Gram's salmon pea wiggle (that shit was alive I swear)

Tennesee Waltz's and Chantilly Lace

Smiling behind your pain

Letting me sleep on your floor when I was convinced I had Ebola after reading The Hot Zone

Teaching me that corn cob backscratchers are the only kind that can get the itch out

...Walking me down the aisle...

I'm saying this in the ladiest like way possible...with a little pink ribbons ... and my heart on my sleeve....

That bitch Bette Midler said it ARE the F*ckin' wind beneath my wings.

I appreciate you. I thank you. I miss you.....I LOVE YOU.
Happy your day.

Peace Out For Now F*ckers,


Anonymous said...

I have read it twice and cried both times...I can't compete! I love you!

Brandi said...

why are you crying???'s not a competition...I love you too.