Thursday, June 18, 2009

Famous Dicks?

I hate my name. Sorry Mom and Dad. My mother told me that she named me after a character on a soap opera. Now that's classy.
It seems that every time I see a movie, there is a stripper named Brandie. I have yet to perfect my pole dance. My aunt once had a dog named Brandy...I guess that's a step up from stripper. I'm good at sitting.
And spelling it with an "i" at the end? WTF? Do I get any breaks? My grandmother didn't want me to be named after alcohol. I guess she is now rolling over in her grave since I went one step further and married someone with the last name Yeager. Cheers!!
But I guess I don't have it so bad. I could be named Dick. Dick. Who friggin' thought of that one? How did anyone get Dick from Richard? Was Richard once a brooding alcoholic that beat his women, cursed in church, and peed on school property? Did someone whisper to someone else, "hey...that guy Richard...he's a real DICK."???
And how did Dick....well...stick? (I don't think you all knew you were signin' up for real poetry)
I know we all know Richards. How did they become Dicks? Can you imagine holding a newborn baby and cooing,"who's my little Dick, yes you are."? NO, you can't! What parent would do this to their child?
And to all of the Richards who became Dicks in adulthood...uh...hello...scratching wasn't enough? Did you have to wear it on a name tag? Who wants to be a Dick all of his life?
I guess I'll take my stripper least my mother didn't name me something that I could shorten to the female genitalia. " name is Vag...may I help you?"
Men just love their junk. They touch it often...display it in tight jeans. They don't greet each other with, "Hello friend, how is your day?" They say, "How's it hangin'?" Classy kind of... are some famous Dicks. Let's ponder how they got there.

Dick Cheney...Ok ok, yes, the name fits. He is a real DICK.

Dick Clark...A musical Dick

Dick Tracy...A sleuthy Dick

Moby Dick...Really? Moby? I thought Dick was bad enough.

Dick (from Dick and Jane)...See Dick run. Run Dick run.

and last but not least...

Dick Butkus...A famous Chicago Bears player in the 60's really got the proverbial shaft. Poor poor Dick. His last name is worse than his first. I'm surprised he wasn't a porn star.
I guess I'll keep my name. Please don't sing that horrible song...I hate it! No you can't have a shot of I don't like Brandy, and yes...I think I am a "fine girl".

that's all for now,
Brandi (but in my mind I'm really a Simone)


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Simone? Where he hell did that come from??? You will always be Bonz to me sis...I love you!!

dedra said... have me on the ground laughing!!!! You are one funny girl!!! Love ya!!! xo! Dedra!

Blogger said...

I've just installed iStripper, so I can have the best virtual strippers strip-teasing on my taskbar.