Monday, September 28, 2009

First Date = Porn....Obviously!

The first "date" I had with Brendan...twas muy interesante. Being a "new age" kinda gal...I picked the boy up in my pimped out Geo Prism. That's right...I said pimped had orangy colored racing stripes...ok, maybe it was just strips of rust...but the radio worked...straight pimpin'.

I drove to the house that Brendan shared with 2 other roommates that he didn't really know, and there he was..all 125 lbs and sideburns, sitting on the front porch. He said he was out there because he didn't want to be inside. "What's inside", I ask? He told me his roommate Gretal was having a "party". was a party.

Inside, stood an old 32" TV on a rickety TV cart. From the front porch I could see a glowing flicker running over the enthralled faces of about 10 party goers. It wasn't until I got inside the door that I heard the sound. It wasn't until a little farther in...that I saw the "theme" of this little soiree. Yup. Porn. It was a porn party. And the girl throwing this little bash...was about 4'11", and had brown bobbed hair and glasses. And by the way...she was a total porn loving sex addict...who I later found out...was a "screamer". With an innocent name like Gretal...I shoulda figured that out. I have a porn name and am a total prude...see the pattern?

Brendan doesn't remember it being gay porn...but for some reason...that's the porn genre I have seared into my brain. Maybe I just like to remember it that way because it would make it all that much more disturbing to tell about. Whomever was doing the dirty on TV...the fact that the audience was of mixed gender and all so very into the "performance"...was actually the most disturbing part. I don't think they even looked up when Bren and I entered the room.

There was narrative happening too. Not from the actors on the screen, but the 10 sitting around watching it. I won't's just all too much for this somewhat family friendly blog...and to be frank...I just don't think spell check would catch any of the assured spelling blunders that may occur. But for the purpose of painting a picture for you dear readers...pepper you imagination with lots of "ishy" adjectives and a smattering of 4 letter words and that should get you by.

Needless to say...I understood why Bren was on that front porch. Dinner somehow lacked its flavor, maybe because I was nervous sitting across the table from my new "beau"...maybe because every time I blinked I saw flashes of dangly "things" and the faces of the 10 that were watching those "things" dangle.

Yeah, that was our first date. The beginning of the end. (Just kidding Bren!) I think we might have made out after dinner....but somehow that has seemed to slip my mind....the pre-dinner show was just so vivid. There was just so much....(place "ishy" adjective and phallic resembling noun here)

That's all for now,

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