Aw shit! They "Whore-ifed" Minnie Mouse. Now she's a Skank!
This awesome lady came into the store where I work the other day. We (my co-workers and I) were all standing around the counter chit-chatting, and we started talking to this "awesome lady" about Halloween.
US: "What crazy/sexy/cool costume are you going to rock this Halloween pray-tell?"
AWESOME LADY: "I don't know. I am a 3rd grade school teacher, and every costume out there is just so slutty. There's the prostitute nun, the prostitute school girl, the prostitute bumble bee. I just don't think 3rd graders are ready for that shit."
ME: "Yup, unless you want to be a whore for Halloween...you're pretty much screwed."
Okay, maybe the conversation didn't quite go like that...but that was pretty much the gist. When the hell did Halloween go from dressing up in a scary and spooky monster mask to seeing who can wear the least amount of clothes and barely covering the "important parts"? Oh wait...maybe when I turned about 16 and stopped enjoying Halloween.
I Googled some of these masterpieces of slutdom and just had to share...
"Trick or treat" my ass...it should be more like "tit or twat". Either way...someone's gettin' candy. (damn my filthy mouth)
Here's my favorites.
"The Prostitute Nun"
Is nothing sacred? Ever hear of the Thorn Birds?
"The Prostitute Nurse"
She's gonna have to cure her own cold with her ass cheeks hangin' out like that.
"The Prostitute Girl Scout"
She's not selling cookies.
Yeah, this is the Prostitute "Prostitute" It's considerably realistic...she looks pretty wrecked.
BUT....I was thinking something a little more....I don't know....Amish???
There was just too many "prostitute (insert admirable profession/cute animal/or Disney character here) costumes to post here. I mean really...think of any sort of worker in any profession...use your imagination (got it in your head?) Ok, now picture them with their boobs hanging out, knee high boots, and fishnets....costume done...spooky right? Deserves candy right?
Who did you picture?
MOTHER TERESA?
Holly shit you sickos...she's a dead wrinkly old lady! You wanted to picture Mother Teresa with her boobs hanging out...and fishnets?
Didn't work did it?
Mother Teresa is a person...not a profession...you could've tried prostitute "missionary" or prostitute "saint"....that woulda worked. I bet there's a costume for it....white toga thingy about crotch high??? Oh and don't forget the halo....
I'm quite sure my husband would love it if I dressed up like....
"Little HO Peep"
BUT....I was thinking something a little more....I don't know....Amish???
Yeah! Amish women rock it hard core. Check out the bonnet! I seriously could use a bonnet in my everyday wardrobe. It's dainty. The web site says that this is a Pilgrim/Puritan costume....but you and I both know it's Amish. I'll carry a patchwork quilt or something...that'll add to the realism. (there I go again with my Amish sterotypes)
Shit....they don't carry my size....guess I'll just go as the crazy cat lady in her bathrobe again this year. It's pretty scary...just ask the neighbors...they see me in it everyday.
Happy Howl-a-ween !!!
Send all your extra Butterfingers and Mr. Goodbars over to Duel Living c/o my tummy!
That's all for now,
Brandi
2 comments:
I think I'll be a whore sales person. Maybe I'll hit my goal what do you think?
LLMMMAAOO Brandi, I just choked on my food.
Going from the Little Bo Peep to the Amish Woman...lol oh goodness.
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