Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Doctor Is Out.... And Happy Birthday MOM!




Apparently, part of being a interior designer is also being a marriage counselor/prayer group member/mental health counselor/babysitter. I wasn't aware of this when I started on this career path. You would be amazed at how many fighting couples walk through the doors and open up their closet full of skeletons....to ME...and I am forced to listen. You would be appalled at the way parents just leave their children unsupervised. You would be stunned at the things that people ask my opinion on. I thought I was decorating their homes...now I'm holding hands and singing friggin' Cumbaya.

Today, I worked with an older couple...we'll call them Bob and Enid. Enid wanted a beige sofa. Bob wanted a soft sofa. Enid wanted to see sofa legs. Bob wanted to see no legs. Enid wanted linen....Bob wanted microfiber. Get the point? I pulled 10 fabric choices...Bob liked the 5 on the left...Enid liked the 5 on the right. I gave them cushion options....Bob liked the down cushion...Enid liked the foam and poly fill. I gave them swatches...they gave me a migraine. I felt like telling Bob to take Enid home, give her a little "slap and tickle" and to come back tomorrow when they'd loosened up a little bit. I mean really? How did they make it through 50 years of marriage if they can't even agree on a f*cking couch?

Awhile ago I helped this guy...we'll call him....Lenny. Lenny....had a SEVERE case of OCD. He wore rubber gloves out of the house (he lived with his parents...he was in his 40's). He had a weird fear of gum on the ground...so I guess the gloves were like his gum force field or something. ANYWAY...he came in to find furniture...none of which he would touch or sit on....for a new apartment which he was going to be moving into. OK...simple enough...but for some reason...that simple transaction between client and design consultant became more like patient/psycho-therapist. He called me multiple times a day/week. We discussed how the furniture was to be assembled. Would it be put together where anyone was chewing gum? Were the delivery guys going to be wearing the same gloves they used to deliver everyone else's shit? Did I believe in God? Did I think God/Church could help him with his OCD? Did I like the recliner or the arm chair better? And on, and on, and on. One day...Lenny called AGAIN...I sat down at the desk and prepared for another 45 minute Q and A session about the sterility of bubble wrap...but he surprised me. He said that being a person with OCD was extremely lonely...and in me...he had found a friend. Basically...he asked if we could hang out sometime (with my husband included). I was speechless. I mean, I didn't know this guy from Adam...and here he was trying to date...us. I decided the "relationship" wasn't going to be healthy. I didn't want to get into a situation where I was giving advice on a topic I had absolutely no experience with. I didn't want every conversation be about if my hands were clean, my shoes gum free, my relationship with God...what the best brand of bleach was. So, I broke up with his answering machine...and I blamed it on my husband...you know the whole OCD cock block routine...I figured he'd understand.
I am lucky I get to do what I love. And most days...I do love it. But....THE PEOPLE!!!! I sometimes just feel like saying....

"You should get a divorce....green goes really well with that."

"You're a nutter...get some shock therapy and sit on this lovely chenille sofa with the turned leg when you get home...I promise it will make the voices go away"

"Your children are the devil's spawn...we don't sell cages or straight jackets here but this floor lamp could double as a bat with which to knock your little f*ckers upside head."

"I don't know if I believe in God...but I definitely feel like I'm in Heaven on this bed...and I hear Angels singing when it's paired with that dresser."

"Thank you for your business...now can you please shut the f*ck up??"

Maybe that last one is a little severe. What do you think?

On a separate note..............



That's all for now,
Brandi

1 comment:

Erica LeBlanc said...

So I turned on my tv this morning, the channel was on HGTV, and guess which show was on...Designing for the Sexes! Sometimes as designers we need to be mediators...and sometimes we need to run!