Friday, January 22, 2010

THEY SAY IT'S MY BIRTHDAY...




Apparently, the patrons of a Holiday Inn chain in Britain weren't getting a "good night's sleep". So...the sleep genius/dumb ass head honchos over there across the pond at the Holiday Inn came up with this new and innovative idea to offer human "Body Warmers".

With the cold snap happening in Britain lately...the Holiday Inn brainiacs thought guests would sleep better if their beds were warm and snuggly when they came in from the cold. This "complimentary service" provides clients with two people in "sleeper suits" who will get under the guest's covers and warm the bed for 5 minutes. Uh....anyone else think this is freaking CREEPY!???

I mean, who are these bed warmers anyway? Are they random hobos from some park bench? Or maybe they are "Professional" bed warmers that got a degree from some bed warming university. Did they have to pass some sort of exam where they had to get the bed to a certain degree and the chilly guest/guinea pig just had to fall asleep? Was that an instant A?

I don't know. I don't think I would take advantage of this complimentary service. I have never been one to have one night stands, threesomes, or casual pillow talk. I mean what do you say as these human bed warmers are leaving? "Was it good for you?" "Uh...call me?"

Nope, I think I'll stick to the good ol' fashion ways of warming up the bed: electric blankets and farts. I apologize to any hobos that I may be putting out of "work"...but I prefer my own flatulence to yours. Sleep tight...don't let the bed warmers bite.

That's all for now,
Brandi

P.S. just for purely selfish reasons...today is my birthday...and I love comments on my blog about ANYTHING more than candy, flowers, or cake. Happy birthday to me!

4 comments:

goodniteirene said...

Happy Birthday Darling!!
Shit!!! i had no idea you be so adverse to bed warming. two hired bed warmers are mid atlantic, en route, to heat your covers for a birthday night sleep. well, maybe you all can play canasta (real time, live version) instead.
hope it's a great day.
lots of love,
katie

Anonymous said...

Happy Freakin' Birthday!
Can you request good lookin' hobos to warm your bed, actually, is there any such thing as a good lookin' hobo? At least there out there, seeing the world. Definitely a step up from your average bum. Maybe someone can teach all of the newly unemplyed hobos you put out of work to run a Tilt-A-Whirl and they can upgrade to carnies.
Much Love,
Anon

Duel Living said...

It's ironic that I posted about human bed warmers and the same night....my heat went out. Katie - I coulda used your gift the other night...my ass was an icicle...my nose hairs were frozen...and I had to take a polar bear's shower the next morning. Happy birthday to me! Figures.

aquirkydelight said...

Happy Birthday to you! (Belatedly. My bad on that.) That bedwarmer idea is the perfect setup for corporate sponsored prostitution. In other words, I'll be checking in to a Holiday Inn this weekend. You know what I'm saying.