The pizza delivery man probably was a little taken aback when he delivered our pepperoni pie and there was a crazy woman in a blue bathrobe, pink slipper socks, and a brown Snuggie yelling towards the door, "SORRY ABOUT THE PISS SMELL!!!!"
I think my husband's latest Facebook post captured it best. Our cats are engaged in a turf war with a neighborhood cat. And the other cat's way of "dissing" our "sons" was to piss REPEATEDLY on our concrete front steps. Bren said it was the other cat's way of "talkin' shit". We are a little bitter about being part of the collateral damage.
The responses that Brendan got on Facebook were hilarious! One of his long time college buddies just said:
"BB gun and a night scope."
Someone else said:
"Piss on your neighbors' front step and show them who's boss."
I really liked the last one...and then I remembered...my husband DOES have a penchant for pissing on things. Remember THIS post? Brendan enjoys peeing on random things: dead fish floating in the pond on his way home from work, his kid brother, his nemesis' car grill (so when he started the car it would heat up and smell like piss for eternity), and random homeless ladies while drunk in the Florida Keys. In Brendan's defense...he HAD been driving for hours before becoming intoxicated and unbearably full bladdered. And when he had started peeing in that vacant building and realized that the mound of garbage he chose as his ideal urination vacation hot spot was ACTUALLY a sleeping woman (she shouted, "hey, hey, hey") he DID move over a couple inches. The core of his being is basically good.
Anyhow...knowing that this pissing retaliation scheme is plausible (I have the able bladdered husband to prove it)...now we just need to find out which neighbor owns that f*cking cat.
At least we can be happy that our anonymous neighbors don't have an elephant...but then they would be much easier to find...Oh yeah....and we gotta stop ordering pizza...the piss smell kinda kills my hankering for pepperoni, and now the pizza guy thinks I'm a f*cking Snuggie wearing nut job.
That's all for now,
Brandi
2 comments:
you've completely ruined Dumbo for me.
I would recommend you keep the pepperoni to a minimum right now - you don't want your brain to form a connection between cat piss smell and pepperoni pizza. I once had an afternoon of projectile vomiting after eating a grilled cheese sandwich and, due to my stupid monkey brain, it was years before I could eat grilled cheese again. Sad but true.
Good luck with your furry little neighborhood terrorists!
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